I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
