She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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