Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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