OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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