i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
