eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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