how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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