Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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