He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
