Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
