It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
