dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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