The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
