There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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