One girl and one boy is just not enough.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
