But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
