it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
