trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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