Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
