I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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