We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
