before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize