I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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