Barsexuality is the new black.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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