How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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