Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize