Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
