What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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