I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I understand Curling. That high.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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