She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
