I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
