I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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