I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
