Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
