Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
