My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we have pet lesbian snakes
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
