with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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