remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
