this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
