We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
