I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
