Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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