dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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