Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
