I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
