today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hippo gnu deer
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
