hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
