I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
