I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
