sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
