If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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