i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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