I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
