after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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