That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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