Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
