We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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