I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
