Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
ugly people sure do ruin things
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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