did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
