drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
