So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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