Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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