i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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