Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
