yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize