if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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