believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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