I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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