It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Randomize
