Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
