Already got asked if we're dating
did you get engaged???
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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