fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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