Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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