Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
