About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
