his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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