I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
