were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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