i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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