ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
