I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
