whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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