..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize