Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
