He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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