Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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