i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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