apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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