Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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