The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
