Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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