i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
