I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
