you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
