I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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